On Her Anonymity...

Woke up this morning, with her thoughts in my mind. Had been dreaming about her. Memories from 14 years back. It wasn't a regular dream. All the while I was aware of the fact that I was dreaming but it wasn't like lucid dreaming. And the most weird aspect of it was that it made me recall a dream from 14-15 years back. And not just a dream...a dream about her again. Made me remember somethings which I had assumed I would have forgotten by now...

I had gone to sleep early, being bleary eyed and tired. And then her thoughts filled my mind for no apparent reason. We have not met in years and have not spoken to each other for as long as I can remember. But the dream was simple and even fun-filled. It was scheduled around 6 years back in time when both of us were in school (ironically, the same class). And we sat around casually talking about things that might happen, on uncertainties and of other matters including what would happen if I were to switch my school etc. Interestingly, I quoted a certain incident to her, something which had happened on a Saturday 9 years back: I had gone to give an entrance exam for a different school. 

In fact, I remember smiling to myself in my dream looking at the expression on her face and on the face of a friend of hers, thinking what it is like to be studying together for 12-14 years yet having nothing in common...hardly knowing each other.

Some 15 years back, we were good friends. We shared a common passion for an action cartoon series very popular in those days and passed the time between classes "playing" out self made stories about the series. I owned  a pencil box back then with characters from a different comic series printed on them (I have no idea why did I buy it because I have never watched that cartoon series ever...or maybe I never did buy it). That "box" was our portal to the typical landscape of such action based cartoons (or rather should I say cartoons which existed back in those days?). The thought about the pencil box made me think about a different pencil box which I would have never been able to recall in an awakened state.

And so we sat and talked. Curiously, the scene kept shifting between the stage in my school and a room back in my home (or rather the memory of what was once my home). We chatted with the pleasant familiarity of old friends who know each other well. There is no forced pleasantry and no unnecessary control exercised when talking. That reminded me (in my dream) of a dream I had 14-15 years back. It was regarding her again. She was never a part of it but it was about her.

The most ironical part of the dream was that both of us knew that we used to be great friends (when being a friend was simple) and that we had fought over a very trivial and stupid issue. Throughout the fact that we might have become good friends for "life" prevailed but was never a part of the direct chat. The dream later moved on to other things including the dead (or should I say the un-dead?) and other things (interestingly the major material of these were again from way back in time...12 years old?).

In retrospect, I realize that it could have been a dream about anyone. Not particularly her. Of course she was there in this one, but it might just easily have been anyone else too. The "shifting" scenes still made it more disconnected. In hindsight, I realize just how disconnected I have been with all almost all the people from my school days. Well of course nothing can be done now...

I woke up with my left eye creating the usual trouble. I stayed in the darkness for almost half an hour thinking about the entire dream. Why did I dream it? But of course there was no answer...but isn't that the most beautiful thing about dreams?

Maybe yes...maybe no...

~ Parekh, Pravesh

May 31, 2012; 5:30 AM