Lost...

It was a dark evening. He was driving his car on a lonely stretch of road, way beyond the city, on a way to nowhere. It was a single lane road, trees lining on each side. Old weather beaten trees with leaves shed to the season, a silent offering of withered branches that rose up to the sky and closer to the hint of the moon beyond dark clouds. It was eerily beautiful, the kind of beauty one would not appreciate on a bright day but only on dark nights with the pale cold light of the moon beating down on the face of earth. The kind of dark beauty that would make a shudder run down your spine, yet you would be forced to watch, charmed. The kind of night when you would expect the Three Witches to fashion their charm with ingredients ‘silvered in the moon’s eclipse’.

He looked outside the car’s window, engulfing the sights in, letting it sink down in his throat and swell up inside him, till he felt elated and at the same time heavier than the load of Atlas. He was drowning and rising at the same time, thoughts going over each other as water waves in a tumultuous river, flooded by torrential rains. He did not really know what he was thinking, yet he knew what he was thinking about.

He had been feeling heavy all week long and at the first moment had gone for a long drive. It was a stretch he knew well from his days back then when he was carefree, had friends, back in the days of college. He thought back of the times when he had driven over this stretch of road, with friends who were now distant, with colleagues he had now not seen in years, with friends of friends he barely recalled, and her…his soon to be wife.

The density of trees increased. They were closer to him, creeping on to him as the enveloping darkness surrounded him as the car passed ahead, the two lights being the sole illumination. The moon was completely behind the clouds now. For a moment he contemplated about the consequences if someone or rather something suddenly stepped out of the dense copse of trees and stood in front of his car. He was sure he would run the thing down and would not stop to look back. Somewhere at the back of his mind, he always had a certain apprehension about ‘things’ that existed out of time and space. Not that he believed in them, but at moments such as this, the fear came back to him. Like the ghost of the mistress he never had, tantalizing him with outstretched hands, so close yet far.

He continued to drive at a steady speed, lost in thoughts, a couple of fingers lightly working on the steering wheel, his elbow resting on the window, his gaze sweeping from road to the trees, his mind answering to the calling of the leafless branches, outstretched to him. He thought of life and the way it had been going. He thought of the dreams that were lost now, the energies drained out, the frown lines deepening on his forehead, the darkness under his eyes. He thought of the vision he had during school and college, his days of childhood that he barely recalled, his family to whom he spoke once a week for ten minutes on the phone. And he thought of the days ahead. Days to come. Ghosts of a Future Lost. Ghosts of Things to Come. Like Mansell’s haunting composition…Requiem for a Dream.

His cell phone, which was on the passenger seat, lit up. His fiancé was calling. He was glad he had put it on vibrate. He did not want the quiet of the night to be disturbed. He half-stared at the phone, vibrating. Then he stretched his hands to the phone, let his fingers touch the screen and slide down slowly, as if caressing the name on the display. The call was not answered. The display was dark again. He removed his hands. He kept driving into the darkness that lay outstretched in front of him.

Sometime later the path ahead spread out and the road became wider. He knew he had reached the outskirts. He would be coming to a café soon. He drove the car off the road and slid it in behind another car parked and got out. It was one of those places where he could sit for a while and no one would bother him. It had outdoor seating arrangement. He sat down. There was a family sitting somewhere ahead. Husband, wife, a daughter and a son. The kids were little. He looked at them playing around and laughing and a grim smile passed over his face. 

He took out his lighter and lit a cigarette. He inhaled deeply as his eyes blurred a little. He stared beyond the little kids laughing, the light in the eyes of the wife, the smile on the husband’s face. He started into infinity.

Sometime later he got up and left a few notes on the table. Then he got into the car and drove away, glancing for one last time at the family still enjoying themselves at the place. Must be returning from a long drive. He knew he would never ever meet them again. For we are all travellers, from coast to coast, from sea to land…

He would call her later tonight. Or maybe tomorrow. Sometime. He did not know…

- Parekh, Pravesh

October 17, 2013; 07:27 PM