The Passing of the Birds

She smelled of funeral. That was his first thought as she passed him. He could not see her face, she was wearing a veil. She was dressed in black, black veil, and a pair of black gloves. She did not look up as she passed him, she was looking down. As he looked at her, he felt strange. Not because of her costume. There was something else that touched him, though he could not place a finger on what it exactly was.

He was sitting at a table in a café waiting for a friend. It was an open café, the tables and chairs lying outside the shop. It had rained last night but the sky had not cleared yet. There were little puddles of water in the street. He despised such weather. It seemed too “heavy” at times. Especially when he was sitting alone. There was a tree near his table. A few birds were perched on top of it, chirping. Stark contrast with the bleak surrounding. It was almost grey. That was when he saw her walking in his general direction. He had been looking at his watch, getting impatient, the irritation evident on his forehead. However, the moment he saw her coming, he paused. His mind seemed to go blank. He simply looked at her as she came closer and closer and then passed by, without even giving a casual look, either here or there.

He inhaled the air as she crossed him and that was when the thought struck him. The smell…he could no place it. It had the smell of flowers, yet there was something else. He felt pained. He was not exactly sure of what was happening to him. He was angry at the weather, irritated at his friend for turning up late, confused about why a certain sense of heaviness seemed to permeate through him, and lost as far as his thoughts were concerned. The moment she had passed by the tree, the birds seemed to take flight and for a moment everything was silent. Then slowly everything seemed to normalize again.

He was jolted out of his trance by the arrival of his friend. He snapped a finger in front of him as he took his seat. “Lost? And you? Whatever happened?” he asked. “Oh nothing. Nothing. What on earth took you so long?”. “Traffic, man. Bloody traffic. What’s with these bright colours?” he asked scrutinizing his red shirt and cream coloured trousers. They looked strangely out of place in the bleak weather conditions. “Ah! Nothing really. Thought I would brighten up things. It is all too grey…”

He came back home late that evening and sat down, thinking about her. There was something stuck in his mind. He was intrigued. It was as if she had belonged in those clothes, the weather, the tree, the birds flying away. It was as if they defined her. He told himself that he was talking nonsense but he could not drive her away from his thoughts.

He woke up early the next day to the sound of rain and thunder. It would be another grey morning. He hated the depressing weather but he knew it would prevail till the end of the month. Later during the day, he was back at the same café, hoping she would come by again. He waited for sometime and sure enough, he saw her coming. Dressed in the same way, looking at the ground. She passed him and he was sure the birds became quiet and they flew away. He caught the smell again and it pained him and it made him want for more. He was not sure what was happening to him.

And thus the cycle continued. He was getting lesser and lesser sleep. He would stay up all night long, staring outside his window, lost in thoughts. This was not in his character. He had never been a thinker but now he spent hours brooding. He looked outside his window and thought of her. He wanted to know what the reason behind her actions was. He wanted to know where she lived. He construed impossible scenarios in his mind and he hoped that the morning would be a grey one so that he would see her again.

One morning as he was getting ready, he opened his closet and saw all the myriads of colours in there. He was enraged. He went shopping that day and purchased a lot of black, whites, and grey. He came back home and almost threw away all his older clothes in a fit of anger. He could not tolerate the colours. He felt alienated from himself. He did not know who he was becoming. His friends had remarked of late that he was brooding a lot and was restless. The only thing he waited for all day and all night long, was to be at the café and to see her coming. The birds were on his mind, constantly.

*

It was almost a month now since he had first set his eyes on her. He was a changed man. He always wore black, grey or white. He was always lost in thoughts. He had become quiet, he had stopped meeting his friends, and he had stopped sleeping properly at night. His transformation did not worry him now. It had now become a part of him. He was a changed man and he realized and liked the fact. He felt that he had become one with her. There were only two things on her mind: her presence and the birds.

*

He woke up after sleeping for a few hours. He looked outside his bedroom window but there was sunlight. After a long time, the sun was finally out. It was not bright sunny but it marked the changing days. He felt lonely and sad. He dressed in all black today and went out. As the hour approached, he turned his steps towards the café. As he walked closer to the café, walking on the same steps she had taken every day, a strange feeling enveloped him. A feeling similar to the one he had experienced when he had first seen her. He came near to his table and saw the birds flying away. He stood there and saw them take flight. Deep down he knew they were not coming back. The days had changed. He sat down heavily in the chair. On the outside he was calm. On the inside he was heavy. Very heavy. He knew that he would never see her again. The birds had gone…

- Parekh, Pravesh

July 15, 2013; 02:13 PM