Lament

Remember me sweetly
For my time is soon to come
Don't resent my anger
For I am sad deep inside
Soon I will not be able to provide
To look after you
To kiss you good night
Revel in your warmth
Or lie by your side
And stare at the night sky.
And when I am soon to be cold
Will you one more time hold my hand?
Comfort this anguished soul
Like you have done a million times.
There is a shadow I see
Just beyond the corner
I see it waiting and lurking
Coming closer to me
I fear it not
As long as you are by my side
But what shall come after
When I leave your bedside?
Recall me then in your dreams
As I shall wait on the other side
Oh you have given me joy
Alas I have only returned sighs.
With honesty and truth I plead
For one last time
Before death whisks me away
To terrible silence and loneliness.
Come and sit near me
Let me look in your eye
Cling closely to you
And love you forevermore.
Depart then, I, with sweet pain
As you hold me in your embrace
I take my last breath in Heaven
Before we stand, together again.

- Parekh, Pravesh

May 17, 2013; 08:45 AM

Child

Come here little child

Come and sit with me for a while

Talk to me and tell me things

And disclose to me your newfound dreams

Prattle a little and croon a bit

And laugh with mirth as in a playful dream

Look at me with your beautiful eyes

And indulge me with your lovely smile

Unburden that weight from your heart

Give me a kiss and then we part.

- Parekh, Pravesh

May 15, 2013; 09:30 PM

A Walk

Oh let us take a walk
Down the road and beyond the gate
Through the woods and the alleys
We glide across the galleries.

Through the long corridors
And on the beach
Through the gentle waves
Now running between your feet.

And let us not talk
But find solace in harmony
You mull on my thoughts
And I cherish your company.

-Parekh, Pravesh

May 08, 2013; 11:05 PM

Meera

It was dark as he stumbled in the room, feeling his way around, until he came to his familiar spot and sat down on a footstool. He let out a sigh, as his tired legs found respite from too much strain. He liked it here. There was a sense of solace that he found nowhere else. The spot was in the back of the store room in the house, a cool and silent spot. Not even the rats ventured here, they preferred to stay in the front part of the room. The walls were thin, like all the walls in his house. And beyond the walls, was another house, another landscape, another set of people, ones he had never met. His mother had once asked him why he preferred to sit at this spot and he had replied that he didn’t know and that he only liked it here. However, he had concealed the real reason from his mother. The reason he sat here was that the wall was very thin at this spot and he could hear what was going on in the room beyond the wall, in the other house. Usually, in the afternoon hours when everyone was sleeping, he could hear someone come in stealthily, and then close the door. For a while everything would be quiet and then it would start. The dance. He could hear the sound of the anklet in her feet as she danced, the rhythmic sound like heavenly music to his ears. He did not know her name but he guessed that she was called Meera. Once he had been listening to her dance and then suddenly she was interrupted and someone called out, “Meera”, rather too harshly in his opinion. She did not dance for the next one month almost and he had been so depressed then that his mother had begun to wonder if something was the matter with him. And then one fine day when he had decided to stop coming to his spot, she had come again. More stealthily, more silent than ever. Ah! What bliss!

He sat there in silence, waiting for Meera to come. He was very tired today. He began to feel drowsy and perhaps he did fall asleep when he was woken up to the sound of ghungroo as Meera started to dance. He immediately sat up in attention, as if to honour the dancer. He sat there and wondered how lovely it would be to look at her as she danced. He imagined a hall, decked for the occasion, full of connoisseurs and admirers, and musicians from exquisite places. They would play their music while Meera, his Meera, would spin and dance and sway the entire crowd off their feet with the sound of her ghungroo. He imagined her in shades of vibrant colours, a bright jade green one day, and deep blue the other. A shining purple or a rich yellow. And he imagined her face, a face of concentration and immense beauty with a circlet around her forehead, and dangling ear-rings in her ears. Oh! What grace and what beauty! And as she would dance, the crowd would cheer and applaud her and with every applause, her dance would get better and better, till the crowd, so overwhelmed by her performance, would start to weep tears of joy and thank the Heavens with fervent prayers for their good fortune at seeing Meera dance. His heart swelled in joy. Ah! Meera, the Lovely. Meera, the Gracious. Meera, the Charmer. Meera, the Queen of His Heart.

And thus he would sit, all afternoon, watching Meera dance in the eye of his mind. Then Meera did not come for one day and he was heartbroken. The next day, she came. But something was different. He heard her come in but something was different about the way she put her feet to the ground. He could immediately sense that something was wrong. Previously, whenever Meera was not in a good mood, or was angry at something, he would immediately get to know by the way she set her feet to the ground and by her dance. There would be a change in the rhythm, her motions almost angry. Yet today he could not discern what Meera was feeling. It was as if his Meera had ceased to exist entirely and someone else had taken her place! His heart started beating wildly. What had happened to the love of his life? What had cruel Fate thrown in her path? Meera started to dance but it was a dance so alien to him that he could not enjoy it even for a moment. 

Then it stopped abruptly and he could feel someone sit next to the wall. At first he heard nothing, but then he could make out the faint sound of someone crying. He went mad with grief as his heart burst into wild palpitations. Meera! What had happened? Why was she crying? Yet his throat was dry and his tongue tied. He could not say anything. He placed a hand on the wall, where he thought her shoulder would be, hoping to console her, but the weeping stopped abruptly. It was as if she felt someone’s presence. Then he heard the sound of someone moving and then the door closed. Meera had gone!

And so it continued for almost a month. She did not come some days. And when she did, her dance was foreign to him. Most of the time, she would not dance. Or else stop abruptly and sit and cry. His heart went out to her but he could not do anything. He wanted to go to her, to place a comforting hand on her shoulders, to make her feel that someone cared. That there was someone who loved her, loved her more than anyone would ever love someone. He wanted to place a hand on her cheek, to make her look at him, to wipe the tears from her rosy cheek and whisper consoling words in her ears. But of course, he could not.

And then after a month, she stopped coming altogether. He sat day and night in that spot but she never came. He grew mad in his grief and cried and called out to her, but she never came. He prayed to all the Gods he had heard of and he prayed in vain. He longed to listen to her dance one more time. But she never came.

And life went on for everyone else. Little did he know that Meera had been married off to someone in a different city. She was lonely and unhappy in her marriage. Often during the day time she would sit and cry and hope that there would be someone who would love her and make her feel loved. And little did Meera know that there lived a blind boy who sat day and night, in the darkness of the store room, hoping for his Meera to come back.

- Parekh, Pravesh

May 04, 2013; 01:50 AM

A Scoop of Ice-Cream

She unlocked and opened the door slowly, smiling to herself. Home. After a long day. She came in. The children were probably sleeping in their bedroom. She gave a quick glance to the key-rack and saw that her husband had already come back. Her smile widened as she took her shoes off. She went into the bedroom, treading quietly so as not to wake him up. She went into the bathroom, closed her eyes and splashed cold water on her face. As she opened her eyes again, she saw her blurred reflection in the mirror, clearing up. Home, she smiled again. She wiped her hand and face on a towel. A pale green coloured towel she had happened to buy a month back.

She came out of the bathroom and walked straight into the arms of her husband who had awakened and was waiting for her. She giggled and let go of herself, as he lifted her up and made her sit down on the bed.

“How was your day?” he asked, lying down next to her.

“Oh it was good. Not a lot of rush today so not too tired” she said lying down and facing him.

“Any new patients or just the same old crying babies? he asked, letting his head rest on the palm of his hand so that he could see her face.

“Oh David! Do you have to call them that?” she asked, pretending to be cross, giving him a mock punch in the stomach.

“Ouch!”

“Stop pretending!”

“I am hurt. You have a strong fist”, he said, pretending to whimper.

She giggled again. He always did things like these to make her giggle.

“So any new patients?” he asked her again, poking her.

She giggled again. She had always been ticklish.

“Yes. A little boy had come today. The usual problem. Cough and cold. Slight fever. The poor boy was so scared. He sat on the stool and looked at me with such frightened eyes, I had to fish out a chocolate from my drawer and give it to him before he relaxed a little.”

“You always do that, don’t you?”

“No! Not always! I only give them to the ones who are scared of me.”

“Oh I am sure no one is scared of you. Can they be scared of my little darling?” he asked cupping her chin.

“And there was this little girl who had come with her mother. She had such an adorable smile! The moment she came in, I was reminded of our Sarah.”

He smiled to her. “Only Sarah? Not Matt?”

“Can it ever happen?” she smiled back, looking deep into his eyes. “They are sleeping?”

“Yes. Matt got his score card today.”

“And?”

“And what do you think, Jen?”

“He aced again?”

“Like father, like son! Yes he did.”

“Yay!”

“Top marks in four subjects! ‘Shows a lot of passion and potential for football’, his card reads”.

She jumped out of the bed. “That’s my boy!”.

“Darling! Where are you going?”

“To kiss Matt, of course.”

“But he is sleeping dear. You don’t want to wake him up.”

“I won’t”, she said, smiling at him.

“And what about me?” he asked, trying to pull off a sad face.

She came back to him and kissed him on the cheek. “You can do without me for some time”. She smiled and went out of the bedroom. He buried his head in the pile of pillows and went to sleep again.

--- * ---

She tiptoed upstairs, and gently opened the room. Matt and Sarah were sleeping in their bed, peaceful and silent. She came and stood between their beds. “My little angels”, she said, her heart swelling in love and pride. She kissed them on their head and watched as Sarah gently reclined into a more peaceful sleep. Matt did not respond. She came back downstairs and checked on David. He had fallen asleep again, his head hidden in the pillows. She loved to see him sleeping like this. It was as if he was a baby. “My three children”, she said lovingly to herself.

She went to the kitchen and started to make something for the kids. They would want desserts tonight, she mused. She would have to go out. She fixed some sandwiches for Matt and Sarah. Just then she heard the slow steps of Matt outside. He was up. He walked into the kitchen, carrying his teddy bear. He came in, eyes half open and hugged her. She lifted him high and kissed him a number of times. Then she put him down. He was such a little darling! Sarah walked in, still sleepy but smiling.

“Mommy?” Her heart went out to her. She kissed her twice and gave her a hug. Then she ushered both the kids out of the kitchen and made them sit down on the sofa in the drawing room. Just then David came out of the bedroom, yawning and smiling at the same time, which resulted in a very comical expression on his face. He kissed her on her cheek and sat down between the kids. They switched on the television and put on a cartoon show. Before long, Jennifer could hear all three of them roaring into laughter. She peeked from the doorway.

“David is such a kid when he is with the children!” she thought. The sandwiches were done. She took them and gave them to David and the kids. For a moment she stood there, watching in silent rapture as the kids gently nibbled on to their sandwiches, taking tiny bites, and David taking larger ones. 

Presently she went into the bedroom and changed her clothes.

“David! I am going to the store to get a few things. Keep an eye on things. Be back, my little darlings. Will bring you a surprise.”

“Bye mom”, Matt and Sarah said in unison.

--- * ---

She drove to the supermarket and picked up ice cream. Then she picked up a big bar of chocolate for Matt and Sarah. She knew she was spoiling them but she couldn’t help it. The queue was long and she whiled the time away, thinking of dinner time. Matt would always be animated at dinner hour, speaking slowly yet with so much energy that one could not help but smile at everything he said. Sarah would be quieter, her head bobbing up and down to the rhythm of Matt’s speech. “Oh life is so good! It can’t get any better”, she said to herself, restraining herself so as not to burst out into a cheerful laugh.

She got the billing done, stepped into the car and drove back to her home. As she came closer, she could make out an orange-ish glow ahead. Then it became clearer. And clearer. And then it was all black.

--- * ---

“And this is your patient, Dr. Jackson: Mrs. Stone.”

Dr. Jackson looked at the woman sitting on the bed in front of him. Her hair was dishevelled, her eyes were wandering. There was a scar above her left eye. Her cheeks were hollow and there were dark circles under her eyes. She might have been a lively person but now her spirit was shattered. It was as if something had died inside her.

“Mrs. Stone?” Dr. Jackson called. She did not respond. “What’s her full name?”

“Jennifer Stone.”

“Mrs. Stone?” he tried again. “Mrs. Jennifer? Can you hear me? Jennifer? Jen?”

For one moment in those eyes, there lingered a trace of recognition. Some lost connection. Then it flickered and died again. Dr. Jackson and Dr. Smith went out of the room.

“What happened to her?”

“We don’t know much about her. She used to be a doctor. A child specialist. Had a clinic. Two children. A nice husband. One day she had perhaps gone to the store. While she was gone, the house somehow caught fire and the roof caved in, killing her husband and the kids.”

“Ohh…what a tragedy…have you got anything?”

“Nothing. She is completely gone. We have not been able to get anything out from her. She does not seem to even listen when we speak to her.”

“Nothing absolutely?”

“Nothing. Only that sometimes at night she speaks out suddenly. She insists on serving ice cream to Matt and Sarah. Her dead children.”

He sighed and looked inside the room through the glass pane in the door. Jennifer was sitting on the bed, staring out into emptiness. Presently she stretched her hand and spread her palm, as if reaching out to someone. Then she smiled to herself.

“She must have had a lovely smile”, he thought. Then they turned their back and went on with their round.

-Parekh, Pravesh

April 13, 2013; 05:30 PM

Eve

The gong signalled 8:00 PM. He got up wearily from his chair where he had been sitting since morning. He went to the coat shelf and put on his frayed black long coat and went outside the office. He was suddenly hit by the chill in the air. The office had a radiator that had kept him reasonably warm, if not comfortably warm. But it was almost freezing outside. He bowed his head and turned his collar up. A hat would have been preferable, he thought but then his thoughts did not really want him to focus on that. He looked around and on one side could see the faint outline of the River. The gas lamps were probably not lit on that side or there would be a problem with them. He did not really care. Near the river was an entire expanse of road, almost vacant because of minimal light. Whatever light there was, was from the other side of the road, beyond the buildings, where people lived. He could make out the large dome of the museum and the faint outline of the municipal buildings, all dark now. Beyond them, the buildings were brightly lit, some even decorated. He did not pay any heed to them.

He took recluse on a bench facing the River, the distant lights from the other side of the city, casting their reflection on the water surface. He sat down, turning his back towards the city and stared at the water. The wind flapped at his shoulder, shaking the lapels of his coat, as if urging him to come out of his thoughts and join it in play, but he was far too deeply absorbed to pay any heed to it urgings. He sat there absorbed in thoughts, his eyes seeing, observing, yet not registering. He saw that his coat was frayed and that the threads were coming out of the slits for the button. He saw that one of his coat buttons had become loose. He saw the lights dancing on the water surface and all this time he thought and thought, yet he knew not of what he was thinking. It was all so far away. It was as if life every now and then yawned open its mouth and wanted to swallow him up.

He sat there for a long time. When he finally got up, he thought it must be late. He did not have a watch to consult the time and he had been too deeply engrossed in his thoughts to hear the bell announce the time. He looked around. The streets on the other side were still busy. Men, women, and even children were around, all dressed up. He decided to go home. For one last time he turned to look at the office building he had left a few hours ago, then turned back again. “No more, no more”, he said to himself. He started walking back to his home on the other side of the city. He chose to go via the longer route, just to avoid the brilliantly lit streets and the crowd which seemed to be getting thicker. Faint music streamed into his ears from somewhere. He did not recognize the tune, but the word “posh” stuck in his head. Just then he heard the bell strike.

He stood there, frozen, counting the bell gongs. Clang, clang, clang, it went. One, two, three…he counted. The bell continued to strike. Ten, eleven, and then it struck. Twelve. The crowd which had thickened considerably let out a triumphant hurrah and started congratulating each other. The sky lit up into a million dazzling colours as the fireworks went off. It was New Year. He stood enraptured, watching the firework show. He stood there smiling to himself, hidden in the shadow that was now glimmering in the afterglow of the crackers. For a moment he forgot. For a moment he was at peace again. For a moment he forgot that he had lost his job and that he had no way of earning in the New Year. For a moment he forgot that the meal he would have tonight might perhaps be the last one for many days to come.

He stood there in rapture at the firecracker show which went on for a while and then it eventually faded away to darkness. The streets slowly emptied and silence descended upon the earth and then it all came back to him. He managed a grim smile, turned his back to the office for the final time and walked back towards what he once called “Home”.

-Parekh, Pravesh

April 10, 2013; 04:50 PM

Blues

Give me my darkest blues

And let me drink

Deep the melancholy

Darker than the night

Let it seep through me

Warmer than the densest fog

Let the sun fade away

And moonlight burn me

Let my dark evil soul

Be tormented eternally

To the sound of your breath

Whispering from yonder

Oh shall the Devil look

Deep in the depths

Of my fireless eyes

Drinking in large gulps

Meads of sorrow

Straight out of this world

Oh even He shall shudder

To the melancholy of my blues

And her memory shall torment me

Eat through my mind and heart

A heart darker than the Devil

The moon hides in shame

The sinner in me burns black

Hear me O ye renderer of souls

Has thou really forsaken me?

But of course you have

And you shall watch with them

As I burn away in my blues

Wasted through this nightmare

This reminiscence of a dream

Her voice echoing through the fog

Shall I see her again

Oh but that shall be too sweet

Your throat is parched it seems

Do you want a drink?

I have nothing to give you

Save this mead of sorrow

Into which I bury my head

Day and night I drink but

Has it ever been enough?

Oh sinners have sinned and paid

But shall I ever pay enough?

So I bury my head and sigh

Her tear streaked face a disguise

To the sad demise of a million souls

All laid to rest tonight

As I bare my darkest blues

Let it seep through me

Burn me, Hack me, and Slash me

And once everything is over

It shall silence me.

- Parekh, Pravesh

March 28, 2013; 02:50 AM